Caring for carers

Sometimes being a carer can be difficult, however close your relationship with your dependent. Looking after someone with dementia is demanding both physically and emotionally. On some level there feels like a loss of the relationship you have established, usually over many years, at a time when you need their support most. Inevitably there will be a change of roles and this can accentuate difficulties in the relationship.

Caring for yourself is important too but when you are tired and in the thick of things it is difficult to see life through a clear lens. If you are fatigued and uptight I can guarantee the person with dementia will absorb this and they are unlikely to be functioning as well as they might; they will certainly not be relaxed. The quality of your relationship will also be strained if you are unable to take a break.

I can provide a sitting or an escort service for a few hours (normally between 2 to 4) allowing you to do something for yourself in the knowledge that your spouse/partner/parent are being supported in the right way by someone who understands their needs following thorough discussion. Two of my current clients are living alone and largely managing independently.

There are other care agencies out there but do be absolutely sure that the care givers have proper training and guidance with a reasonable understanding of the general implications of dementia.

Make sure you give a full picture of  "who" your dependent is, thus ensuring their needs are met. A negative experience will be detrimental to the person with dementia with the negative emotions enduring well beyond the contact and likely affecting their ability to function. You may have observed this.

Accepting and accessing support is a sign of strength, whether it is from family, friends, a neighbour or a formal agency. It will go some way towards having quality of life for you and  hopefully for your dependent. I cannot over emphasise the need for anyone else engaging with your dependent, to understand the importance of good communication (see Communication advice page ). Everyone needs to be singing from the same hymn sheet as it were. Remember, you are not alone and there are many families locally under similar circumstances.

Sometimes you may feel particularly isolated because people around you, often family, don`t recognise that you and your relative are having difficulties - particularly in the early stages. It is irrelevant what anyone else`s perception is; "Oh he's alright Mum!" doesn`t help. You know how you feel and you know the detail of day to day events. In addition, often members of the family do not want to acknowlege any problems and are in a state of denial. Sometimes dementia peels families open like an onion, much as the disease can for individual's strengths and vulnerabiliteis. There will be tears but there can also be laughter and joy, so embrace these moments and support groups which are relevant to your dependent or you.